Singing the new Pet Blues

Getting a pet is a joyful, exciting, and fulfilling experience. So why do you feel like you’ve made the biggest mistake of your life, and want nothing more than to take the animal back from where it came?

Emotions of doubt, anxiety, regret, sadness, panic, and simply being overwhelmed can overshadow the anticipated happiness of having a new furry, feathered or scaled companion, leaving you feeling guilty and desperate. Many people end up in tears, crying about the “big mistake” they feel they’ve made.
But you aren’t alone. In fact, it’s such a common phenomenon that it has a name: “puppy blues”, or “adoption blues/regret”. The good news is that, once you’re aware of it, you can tackle it head-on, and form that lasting bond that you’ve dreamed of with your new family member.

What’s it all about?

The adoption blues has long been known to affect those adopting a child and it’s now recognised to affect new pet owners too. This range of negative emotions and feelings can be tough to understand and leave people feeling intense guilt.

In general, puppy and dog adoptions seem most likely to bring on a case of the blues, possibly because their arrival seems pretty dramatic (think: rambunctious puppies taking over the house). But even a quiet cat, fish tank or pet hamster can bring on these feelings, simply through the realisation that a big commitment has been made that could affect you for years to come.
More often than not, the puppy blues/pet adoption regret actually has little to do with the animal itself, and more with unrealistic expectations, being unprepared for the work involved, and personal circumstances of the adopter. The good news? By investing time and effort into researching pet adoption beforehand, you can reduce the likelihood of being nipped by the puppy blues.

Puppy-love

Baby animals are adorable, lovable, and fun, but they also require a significant amount of time, effort, and energy – and the full knowledge that they could be with you for the next decade or more.

This sudden responsibility and the long-term commitment can be overwhelming for even the most prepared individuals. Sometimes the puppy blues hit shortly after bringing your new friend home, or they may kick in once your pet reaches its teenage phase and becomes a real handful.

Sleep: Not getting enough shut-eye makes anyone tense and, just like baby humans, baby animals tend to have irregular sleep patterns, keeping us awake too. They often don’t sleep through the night at first, waking up at all hours to play or pee or simply because they’re scared or missing their siblings and mother.

House Training: Puppies don’t generally come house trained and teaching them to let us know when they need to go outside takes time and patience. Accidents are inevitable, which can be really frustrating.

Testing your boundaries: Just like children, puppies and kittens love to push the boundaries, often destructively – think, chewing your shoes, biting your fingers, and clawing their way up the curtains.

Hard work: Growing animals need socialisation, playtime, exercise, interaction, and attention – and not just when it suits you. It’s time consuming and stressful, and many people simply aren’t anticipating it.

All grown up

For those who choose to adopt an adult pet, whether from a shelter, foster or a happy home that can no longer keep it, the pet
adoption blues can present different hurdles. Adult dogs are generally easier to train and may even be house trained and know basic obedience already, but taking on a new animal is always hard work.

Household dynamics: Because adult pets already have formed personalities and habits, your household dynamic changes. Existing pets already know “who’s who in the zoo” and you may be in for a period of turbulence while the animals – and you – figure out the new pecking order. There may even be physical squabbles and fights, which can be scary.

Bonding blues: Adult dogs might have attachments to previous owners and may even mourn the change. This can make it challenging at first to bond with them; you may even “it just doesn’t like me”. In reality, the animal just needs to suss out the new situation and get to know you better.

Health concerns: Some adult animals don’t have known medical histories, so you may be confronted with unexpected health issues. The veterinary expenses and emotional impact can be hard to bear.

Trauma and adjustment: Transitioning to a new home is tough for even the most laid-back animal, and there can be some real anxiety and even behavioural issues at first. If you’ve adopted a dog which has endured neglect or abuse, the adjustment period can be even tougher.

What to do about the blues

Before bringing a new pet into your life, find out as much as you can about the potential adoptee and about what awaits you with a new pet so you’re as prepared as possible. Many organisations have programmes in which you take an animal for a few days to get an idea of whether adopting permanently will work; if not, the animal is rehomed. (Remember that baby animals have a tiny window of opportunity for adoption; you cannot keep them for months only to decide later that you won’t adopt as they’ll be out of their “cute baby phase”, which means you’ve drastically reducing their adoption chances.) Always keep what’s best for the animal top of mind.

But what if you’re already in the thick of things and freaking out? Don’t panic! While the puppy/adoption blues can
be mentally draining, it’s essential to remember that these feelings are normal. You are not a failure or a bad person for feeling this way, nor does it diminish the love you have for the animal. It doesn’t mean the animal hates you, or that this is a failure and you should get rid of the animal. You can overcome this.

1. Take your time:

Each animal and every person is unique – we all take a different time to get to know each other. Manage your expectations by understanding the 3-3-3 rule and knowing that bonds may develop slowly. Putting solid time limits on when things “should” come right only adds pressure, making you feel even worse if things don’t go according to plan.

2. Avoid self judgement:

Allow your feelings to flow, without shame or self-judgement. We’re entitled to our feelings and, as with any other emotions, trying to push them away often only makes things worse.

3. Establish routines:

Consistency is critical when it comes to welcoming a new pet and getting into the swing of things too. A good routine helps everyone feel more secure and reduces stress.

4. Read up and find support:

Knowing you’re not alone makes a huge difference. Hearing other people’s experiences can be comforting, as can simply venting to those in the same boat. Take your pup to puppy classes or your dog to training, and chat to others about how they managed the situation. Check out Reddit’s r/Puppyblues and r/Puppy101 forums, where people from all over the world share their experiences and tips.

5. Seek professional help:

If there are serious behavioural or health issues, reach out to professionals such as animal behaviourists or veterinarians for guidance. Simply working on a problem often provides the confidence and comfort you need. However, if your new pet tries to attack you or anyone else in the home, contact the organisation from which you adopted immediately. It could be easily resolved but, in cases where the animal poses a danger, it may be best to reassess the adoption.

In the modern world, we’re inclined to throw in the towel if things aren’t Insta-perfect right away. It’s a big reason
why so many lovely young pets find themselves at animal shelters. Now that you’re aware of the new-pet blues, you’ll know that you’re not alone, and you can navigate these temporary challenges and find your bliss together.